It’s so easy to feel negative towards your man if he becomes critical of you and stops doing the little things that he used to do.

If you’re in a relationship

You might be finding it almost impossible to get your man to help you around the house without nagging him to put the garbage out or clean up after himself. And if you’ve just started dating and find that he’s cooling off and isn’t calling or pursuing you as much, you’ll be tempted to think you’re with the wrong guy, or worse still, you’ll start pursuing him.

You might not understand that a few simple yet consistent changes from you could – start him cherishing you again. Let me tell you about James.

James’ story

James told me, “Women don’t understand what it is that they give to men.” James had spent well over an hour talking about his frustration and resentment at giving so much financial support to his girlfriend Tracey… and her family. (Men tend to give in concrete ways).

James was a wealthy man so the numbers were large in terms of his financial support. But it wasn’t the numerical value that concerned him. It was the lack of acknowledgement and appreciation from his girlfriend that was really getting to him. (Women tend give back in less tangible ways).

I suggested that his very generous giving was setting up the expectation of this being the normal ‘expected’ behaviour. I asked James if he had ever considered not giving quite so much at certain times. I had no sooner finished my sentence when James exclaimed, “But I love her!”

Giving is how men show love

“One of the things I am trying to do”, James continued, is to show Tracey how I love her. I show Tracey I love her by paying for her, by giving her neck rubs and head rubs, by getting her coffee and bringing her bunches of flowers, by carrying things for her … I am trying to get her to see that this is how I love. By doing as much as I can for the woman that I love.” … (Yes, men like this do exist!!).

“The only thing I have ever asked of Tracey,” James said quietly, “is to feel wanted and appreciated. I need to feel appreciated for what I give – not a ceremonial plaque, but a thank you.”

“I don’t want accolades,” James insisted, “I don’t want a continuous thank you, thank you, thank you – I just want some thanks and appreciation when I do things, as opposed to getting none most of the time.”

It starts with you respecting your masculine energy man

Everyone likes to be acknowledged and appreciated for what they do, but for men it goes much deeper. Appreciating what he does is a sign of respect for his giving, protecting and cherishing you.You might not have a man who can afford to spend a lot of money on you or who rubs your neck – but whatever it is that your man does do for you, if he doesn’t get appreciation he will eventually become resentful and stop giving.

He might even make some critical verbal jabs at you in the form of a pretend joke or a put down.

Or he might express his resentment in a passive-aggressive way – by not doing what he says he is going to do, or by being continuously late or unavailable.

And yes, everyone likes to be appreciated and acknowledged for what they do, but for men it really does go much deeper. Appreciating what he does is a sign of respect for his giving, protecting and cherishing you. When you don’t appreciate and/or thank him you are disrespecting him and his resources – and very few men like being disrespected.

Why should I respect him first?

Some women tend to get angry when they hear this. They want to know why it’s their job to take care of the relationship or tend to it. “Why does it always have to be me who fixes the relationship? Why doesn’t he do it too?” they often ask.

Well, whoever holds the most feminine energy in the relationship is generally the one that holds the responsibility for the emotional wellbeing of the relationship. This is one of the fundamental differences between masculine energy and feminine energy. Traditionally the feminine energy person has been female (especially women under 40). But we now know that men can have a feminine energy system (especially as they mature past 45, or if they are left-handed).

Feminine energy people are wired differently – they are wired for the complexity that comes with relationship, and therefore they tend to be more aware when something isn’t working. So it all starts with the feminine energy first respecting the masculine energy.

Start with saying thank you for the little everyday things

If your relationship has broken down it can be difficult to start appreciating your man, particularly if he has a go at you for ‘trying to be nice’. He may not trust this shift in your attitude towards him. Please ignore this.

Start with appreciating and thanking him for the everyday things that you’ve begun to take for granted. Don’t go overboard as it may sound insincere. Spend a little time reflecting on what you do appreciate him for and start with the occasional “Thank you” and build on it from there. It can be anything at all, no matter how small, just as long as its genuine so it makes it easier for you to be authentic.

Appreciate him for taking out the garbage, walking the dog, spending time with the kids, or bringing home the pay check. Here’s a short list to get you started:

• “Thank you for making dinner tonight”
• “I appreciate you taking the rubbish out, honey – thank you.”
• “Thank you for calling me today.”

If you’re still at the dating stage

And if you are dating, remember to thank and appreciate your man for organizing the date and paying for the dinner. You are not required to sleep with him or send him a text the next day to thank him again. A simple sincere “thank you” as you leave the restaurant or say goodnight is all it takes.

Here’s a short list to get you started when you’re dating

• “Thank you for arranging such a lovely evening (insert name), and for buying me dinner.”
• “I had a wonderful time tonight (insert name), thank you for making our first date so great (or such fun).”
• “I appreciate you calling me (insert name), thank you.”

Your heartfelt appreciation will do amazing things

A simple consistent thank you and heartfelt appreciation will do amazing things for a man.

True appreciation from you for what he does will go a long way to making him feel good about himself and being with you. Remember men need to do good to feel good.

Are you truly receiving your man’s gifts?

Until next time … Be open to love.